how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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