I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
