i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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