took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
