Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
