he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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