soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
