Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
