i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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