I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
