It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
sarcasm needs its own font
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
