I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
