youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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