Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drake has all the answers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize