Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
