But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
