Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize