Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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