I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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