Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
