I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
