Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
