I hate your face
I wanna bring you to show and tell
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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