he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
