By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
