so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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