guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
