Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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