Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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