Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
