before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
