how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
