Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize