if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
