Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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