i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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