why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We got so high we made milksteak
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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