so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
