Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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