i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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