worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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