I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
