If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
