took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
