is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
