Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I love you. Go after that dick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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