Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
