Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
