In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
