I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
