Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
