I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's the barista slut.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
