put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
