I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
