oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
