When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
