Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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