I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize