I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
