I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize