Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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