fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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