I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
