Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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