No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
