That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
