We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
