Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
