but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
