can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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