RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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