Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
